#9 is a bit of a lighthearted take on the whole thing, but at the same time, it’s absolutely true that I use humour to get away with making my point more directly. Sadly, much of the humour I use is self-deprecating, the most popular being “I’m such an idiot! hahaha”. I never noticed this until a friend and colleague not only pointed it out but started insisting that I say 3 nice things about myself every time he heard my say something mean. This is a great thing to do, by the way! Every time you catch yourself putting yourself down, even if the intent is humour, you immediately have to counter with 3 positive things.
Erin, you also talked about just saying “thank you” instead of hemming and hawing. I attended a lecture on women in business many years ago, and the speaker brought up this exact thing. She pointed out how women typically put themselves down after receiving a compliment (“that’s a beautiful dress!” … “what, this old thing? I just pulled it out from under the bed because I had no other clean clothes, how embarrassing!”). She inspired me to start just saying thank you in response to compliments, with no additional commentary, and no need to provide a compliment in return (which are often also hidden put-downs about ourselves, such as “thanks, but i actually wish I was thin enough to wear dresses like the gorgeous one you’re wearing”). It’s all about practice. Just say “thank you” and stop there. You are only allowed to continue talking if you are then changing the subject (“thank you! So, should we grab a table?”)
From: https://thecooperreview.com/non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women/
Changing the subject after saying “thank you” is a great idea! One of the reasons it’s hard to just say “thank you” is that the discussion then stalls and the attention is all on me. Changing the subject or just moving on will help with that.