As promised I will work through all of these “strategies”. This post is a very rough draft!
My initial reaction on reading this one is much like Erin’s – I do this regardless of the gender of the person I am dealing with, so is it fair to refer to this behaviour as coddling to the fragile male ego? However, I think the deeper exploration is why do i do this? My go-to behaviour is “this has to be done by Monday” because a) it does and b) this is not personal, it’s business and it’s a deadline, so deal. We already know the typical male reaction (threatened) but the typical female reaction is “you’re mean” or “you’re a bitch” or “why can’t you ask nicely”. And this is also a threatened reaction, I think (because we are either friends or we are adversaries?). And so we have both men and women reacting in a way that demands that other women not be threatening, either by not telling the man what to do, or by being “nice” to the other women,
To me, the real test is “what would these men or women say if a man spoke this way”? Would they even register it as an issue?
Footnote: all images from Sarah Cooper’s site: https://thecooperreview.com/non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women/
Your last two questions are dead on! And instead of making the deadline questionable or trying to be less threatening, be supportive by asking “how can I help you make that happen? or “what do you need from me to make that happen?”