Birds of a Feather

It’s almost spring (YAY!!) and that means the migratory birds are on the move. And THAT means it’s almost time for my volunteer duties at the Prince Edward Point Bird Observatory (PEPtBO – such an awkward acronym) bird banding station to start up again. I could not possibly be more excited!

Let me give you some background on the process of banding birds. First, this is undertaken for about 10 weeks in the spring as birds migrated in one direction, and again in the fall when the migrate in reverse. PEPtBO has two primary banders (that is, people who are interns or are paid to do this job). To start off the banding season, the two banders and any volunteers who care to help get together one afternoon to set up 30 nets for catching birds. These nets are maybe, hmmm, 20 or 30 feet long and 10 feet high? (I am bad at estimating distance.) The nets are stretched between sets of poles that are securely tied to nearby trees for stability. The nets are “furled” once they are set up, which is just a fancy way of saying they are rolled up. To roll them you have to bat them a bunch of times with your hand to get them to wind up. Hard to describe. Anyway, once all 30 nets are set up and furled, they are good to go.

Aside: I can never say or hear the word ‘furled’ without intoning “Mirab, his sails unfurled.” If you know, you know.

With Nets Unfurled

Once banding season officially starts, every single day for 10 weeks the workers and volunteers go out at sunrise and unfurl the nets. Every 40 minutes from then on, we walk a route that passes all 30 nets and we retrieve any birds that have been caught, put them in a cloth bag (to keep them calm), and take them back to the main cabin to be logged in a database, banded, and then released.

At the Banding Station

The nets stay open for exactly 6 hours, so we walk the net circuit 9 times – a grand total of about 10-15km depending on how many birds there are to be extracted. If the observatory has visitors, one of the banders might take the banded birds outside using a “photographers hold” to do a mini educational talk, if there is time before the next net run. At the end of the 6 hours, the nets are furled back up until the next morning, when it starts all over with the same staff and a fresh crew of volunteers.

As volunteers, we help with any / all steps of this process, although to be a bander, you need to be able to positively identify about 200 different species of birds (at least 40 of which are Warblers) as well as determine age, sex, and fat deposit (which is an indicator of how close the birds are to packing up and moving on). To add to the fun of identification, these species vary vastly between babies, young birds, mature males, and mature females, AND between spring and fall migration periods.

Without further ado, I showed up for my first birding shift (I had gone the day before to help set up the nets as well, because why not!). The other volunteer that day was a seriously experienced woman who has been doing this for 20 years (!!!) which meant I got lots of attention from the banders. They taught me how to hold the birds – this is an alarming-looking technique that involves holding the bird in your hand with its wings secured in your palm and its head held between your index and middle fingers. Alarming-looking because it seems like you must be choking the birds. In fact it turns out you don’t have much strength squeezing your index and middle fingers together (go ahead – try it out!). It also takes very little force to hold birds this way because their wings are held down and so they don’t tend to struggle. For my first test, I was given one bird to “try” (outside, in case I accidentally let it go) and … no problem! For test #2, I had to move my bird from one hand to the other, which is a bit more tricky, but again no problem!

Because I was so awesome on the handling part (haha), the banders let me take a bird out of the next on my second net run – a red-eyed vireo – and let me just say, there was no looking back after that!! On my second shift, I was the only volunteer and there were only about 20 birds caught over the entire 6 hours (the biggest day they ever had was around 900, to give you a sense of scale), so the banders let me extract every bird, for practice. I also learned the “photographers hold” which you see in every picture included in this post.

I love this job so much. I live an hour away from the Observatory, so I actually have to get up an hour before sunrise to be there on time. Totally don’t care! 🙂 I’m now trying to learn how to identify the species but it’s a lot of memory, and my memory is bad these days. Let’s assume it’s an age thing. However, I can add bits at a time to a store of knowledge – like I can tell a flycatcher from a warbler now by the shape of its bill. Also, song sparrows differ from field sparrows in that field sparrows have more of a “pink” bill and song sparrows are more brown. Yep, I’m a regular ornithologist!

Spring migration starts in a month, so that might be a good time to mute my Facebook account if you want to limit your exposure to bird pics! However, if bird pics are your thing, here’s a gallery of some of my favourites from last fall!

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Jan/Feb 2023 Books – Mostly Murders In The Building

It’s been a long time coming! Finally, a new blog post! Finally, I have read books! For reasons I can’t fully explain (“doomscrolling” is one candidate), I did not do a lot of (any) reading during the 2+ years of the COVID pandemic. However, I was recently invited to join my neighbourhood book club and I seem to have rediscovered reading skills! This lovely club is one where everybody reads anything they want, and we meet once a month to share the books we’ve read. It’s a wonderful way to get new book recommendation – with no pressure! – and to learn about what other people like and don’t like in their own reading choices. Plus, if you hate one of the books you read, there’s no offense taken. You really only have yourself to blame. Perfect!

Here’s how I have fared so far this year. I did notice that my gateway back to reading does consist of an awful lot of murder mysteries. Honestly, if you ever write a book, just put a picture of a bloody knife on the cover and I’ll read it!

Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story, by Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore is a very funny writer. His is witty writing, versus LOL gags. My favourite of his, so far, is Practical Demonkeeping which I wrote about extraordinarily briefly here. Bloodsucking Fiends, as you can probably deduce from the title, is about vampires but in a lighthearted and funny way as opposed to creepy and terrifying (Salem’s Lot), journalism-y (Interview with a Vampire), or weirdly misguided infatuation (Twilight). At least one murder takes place if you call being turned into a vampire being murdered.

The Sandman: Preludes & Noctures – Book I

Credits: Writer: Neil Gaiman. Artists: Sam Kieth, Mike Dringenberg, Malcolm Jones III, Dave McKean. Pencillers: Sam Kieth, Mike Dringenberg. Inkers: Mike Dringenberg, Dave McKean. Letterer: Todd Klein. Colorist: Robbie Busch.

I made it part of my 2023 reading challenge to read a Graphic Novel. Now, I confess to not really knowing what a “Graphic Novel” is, apart from maybe being a comic book with more pages. However, I recently watched the Sandman series, and this book, which covers the first 6 episodes, was languishing in the Graphic Novel section of the local library. So I’m calling this a checkmark on my reading challenge list. (Technically, it’s possible that The Sandman is a series of “comics” bound together and released as a “graphic novel”. Whatever that means). Regardless, I enjoyed it, and in keeping with the theme, many, many murders take place. The artwork is really worth seeing (trigger alert: sometimes gory). Also watch the series (trigger alert: sometimes gory). It’s uncanny how they were able to translate this comic/novel/book to screen!

The Witch Elm, by Tana French

Tana French is a wonderfully talented writer. This is the third book of hers I’ve read and I have added the rest of them to my TBR (“to be read”) list. The Witch Elm is a story about a young man named Toby who gets attacked during a seemingly random robbery and moves into his uncle’s old country house to recuperate.  The murder is connected to a skull that is discovered in the hollow of an ancient Witch Elm tree on his uncle’s property.

The Appeal, by John Grisham

The murder in this book is committed by a greedy chemical corporation against an innocent community who had the nerve to expect clean, safe drinking water, and sued said corporation when the water turned out to be extremely carcinogenic. As given away by the title, the corporation appeals after losing the lawsuit and proceeds to use their massive wealth to buy elections and politicians in an effort to win the appeal. It’s a sad and distressing look at the world we live in today, and how corporations have managed to demonize the idea of large punitive damage settlements to protect their own massive wealth. If you like podcasts, try listening to the “You’re Wrong About” episode “The Exxon Valdez Oil Spill” for a real-life version of this despicable behaviour.

Lafayette in the Somewhat United States, by Sarah Vowell

Sarah Vowell writes about American history. She’s a charming and extremely funny writer, but her books would probably be enjoyed more by people with a much deeper understanding of US history, and, in this case, the American Revolution, versus a level of knowledge that they (I) learned from watching Hamilton. Although, the book does shed some interesting light on Lafayette’s role both in the play and in the war! Also – war, so fittingly there are many, many murders.

Little Fires Everywhere, by Celeste Ng

This book is indescribably good. Wow. Just … wow. I haven’t watched the series yet, but I expect I will. For now, I just want to continue to enjoy reflecting on the book. I’m not even going to try to summarize it, because I would absolutely spoil something in the process.

The Six-Figure Student Playbook, by Jackson Thornley

A book by the son of a good friend, his first venture into writing. Jackson is a successful entrepreneur and wants to share his secrets with you! This very small book is surprisingly densely packed with a myriad of tidbits that should be of use to any entrepreneur! My favourite insight is the importance of sophisticated sales skills, which I see being used by all of my self-employed friends. Spoiler alert: Nobody is murdered in this book!

The Word is Murder, by Anthony Horowitz

Murder is right there in the title! Anthony Horowitz is a prolific writer who might give Stephen King a run for his money. The Word is Murder is the first in a series that features himself, Anthony, as a writer shadowing a misanthropic ex-detective named Hawthorne in order to write books about his private investigations. It’s an interesting blend of things that are true (anything about the author himself) and things that are fiction (anything involving Hawthorne and the active investigation). I’ll call this an “easy read”. Just the gateway drug I was looking for!

Next up: March books!

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Station Eleven Part III – TV Ruins Everything

Just to recap, Station Eleven is one of my favourite books of all time. Maybe even top 5. So imagine my excitement at discovering that a TV miniseries was in the works!!! YAAAYYY!!

Ahem. This did not go as anticipated.

Many spoilers follow, for both the book and the TV miniseries.

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Many, many spoilers.

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You’ve been duly warned that there will be spoilers.

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I’ll just summarize this hot mess with the comparative table below. Opinions may vary.

The BookThe TV Show
Kirsten meets Jeevan briefly, never to encounter him again.Jeevan basically substitutes for Kirsten’s brother and serves to make the number of coincidences more ridiculous. Either way (brother or Jeevan), Kirsten ends up on her own at a very young age.
Children are called “children”, have little interest in the “before times”, and are raised by actual or adopted parents to be as well adjusted as possible in the only world they know. Rightly so.Children are called “post-pans” (barf), seduced into a cult by the pied piper aka the Prophet, and invade “safe” communities wearing land mine necklaces for literally no reason.
Dieter sadly dies by accident during a botched attempt to kidnap him as ransom to return one of the Prophet’s “followers” who ran away to join the Symphony.Gil is blown to smithereens by a cult-raised post-pan wearing land mine jewelry
Air Gradia flight 452 self-quarantines and remains parked and locked on the runway for the next 20 years as a reminder to survivors of what was lost.An Air Gradia passenger survives a month locked in a plane full of dead people, escapes, and is promptly shot by the airport people who fear contamination. Then the plane is set on fire.
Kirsten avoids killing people wherever possible, and ends up killing one person in defense of herself and her friends.Kirsten tries to kill the Prophet because he …. is weird? Not really sure. (The book Prophet will be shown to deserve it. Not sure WTF with the TV Prophet, who lives.)
People live in hope and mostly in peace.People live in fear in a Walking Dead universe.
After 20 years, there is no power. Electricity no longer works, and gasoline has gone stale, as it would do.After 20 years, there are still lights. And bombs. And, seemingly, batteries.
The Station Eleven graphic novel is what connects the key characters in their damaged but hopeful world.The Station Eleven comic drives people to hallucinations and cultism.
The airport is a safe, prospering community.The airport is a prison.
Clark curates a beautiful, thoughtful Museum of Civilization to preserve artifacts that no longer have relevance but represent a hopeful return to better times.The prophet blows up the museum with a remote-detonated bomb in a world where somehow batteries still work and people know how to build remote-detonated bombs.
The prophet and his mother leave the airport because they are crazies.The prophet and his mother are forced from the airport because the airport people are crazies.
Frank takes his own life so that his brother Jeevan has a chance at survival.Frank is stabbed to death by a person who just happens to break into their apartment after 40 days and Jeevan in turn beats the intruder to death.
In year 20, people are cautious and protective, but hopeful.In year 20, people are terrified, paranoid, and bomb-crazy.

To purge myself of the memory of the TV miniseries disaster, I reread the book for the third time. I’m not wrong, the book is wonderful and hopeful and nuanced and intricate.

Miniseries? What miniseries.?

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Harry Potter and the Subjective Ranking

I had some trouble getting back into reading after a distracting two years of assorted COVID lockdowns, until I returned to a tried and true passion: the Harry Potter series. Despite JKR over-sharing some problematic opinions about transgender people, I can’t dispute her talents at writing a captivating series.

I love this series, and I find myself so absorbed by the story that by the end of 7 books, I’m basically also a friend of Harry, Hermione, and Ron, and now that I’m done I really miss them! To cling a little longer to the fantasy, I thought I’d just go ahead and rank the books against each other. To be clear, a ranking of 7th out of 7 books is still the same as a ranking of 93 out of 100 when stacked against a myriad of non-Harry Potter books.

Number 7 in the top 7 countdown: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I’m not entirely sure why this is my least favourite of the HP series. It has all the makings of a great story – the Quidditch World Cup, a contest where we all are supposed to cheer for the underdog, actual dragons, first crushes, and the shocking and violent return of Lord Voldermort to his Real Life body. It’s not that I didn’t love it, it’s just that I loved it the least. Maybe it’s a bit too choppy? Or possibly it’s just too long for the stories that it is telling. Just win the tournament, escape the Dark Lord’s return, and be done with it already!

Number 6: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I liked this booked, partly because I figured out after reading it that Snape was in love with Lily Evans, and that’s why he switched his allegiance to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix. And of course, there was the shocking twist where Snape also kills Dumbledore, so WTF??? But as far as a ranking in the HP greatest hits list, it’s just a little heavy on exposition through the convenient use of the Pensieve for visiting equally convenient, previously stored memories.

It seems like minimal progress is made in the identification, recovery, and destruction of the final remaining horcruxes, leaving a lot of heavy lifting for book 7. I mean, even after Dumbledore risks his and Harry’s lives to retrieve the locket, it turns out it’s already been retrieved (but not, unfortunately, destroyed, so technically it’s lost again). We don’t witness the destruction of even one Horcrux in this book (Dumbledore destroys the ring “off page”, so to speak). This means our intrepid gang of wizards heads into the finale with the tasks of locating three remaining Horcruxes (the re-lost locket and two as-yet unknown), figuring out how to destroy them, and killing the fourth (Nagini).

Number 5: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Bonus points for being the book that started it all! Super fun, humourous, engaging. Harry, Ron, and Hermione become friends for life. Buuuut …. three 11 year old brand new wizards can figure out the more stringent magical protections around the philosopher’s stone. Yeeeaaahhhhhh ok.

Number 4: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

This book is tough to call. Half of it is full of my absolute favourite moments: The DA comes into being, the Weasley Twins find their passion outside of school and leave a floundering Professor Umbridge in their wake, Harry bonds with Sirius.

On the other hand, Harry is so grouchy for most of the book, and even reasonable explanations don’t appease him. Yes, he’s a hormonal teenager, but he’s had to put up with way worse than “how dare you not tell me what’s going on!” And, he flakes on Occlumency training even after Dumbledore tells him nothing is more important. AND, he forgets he has a perfectly useful 2-way mirror for contacting Sirius and instead runs headlong into a Voldermort trap at the Department of Mysteries. Harry, Harry, Harry.

Number 3: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Third is possibly a higher ranking than this book deserves, except for the fact that the good guys win and we find out what happens to all the key characters in a helpful epilogue (EXCEPT LUNA, JK!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE OUT LUNA????) It’s also full of excitement, close calls, death, not-death, and some very sad choices around who lives and who doesn’t, as seems right in a war.

The problem I have is all the heavy lifting. As already mentioned, Harry, Hermione, and Ron start out with having to find and destroy 4 Horcruxes, which is already hefty. But this eventually turns into finding the 4 Horcruxes, finding the 3 Deathly Hallows, solving the mystery of the 3 objects that Dumbledore bequeathed, and dealing with a surprise 5th Horcrux (who isn’t actually very hard to find).

Number 2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This book, very early on, lays a lot of the groundwork for things that will come later: the sword of Gryffindor, the diary, Gilderoy Lockhart at St. Mungos, house elves, the whomping willow, the Ford Anglia, the vanishing cabinet, Fawkes, Polyjuice Potion … It also settles nicely into the friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione and solidifies Harry’s relationship with Dumbledore. Finally, it’s already starting to hint at the degree to which Voldemort is dangerous, which of course will just continue to escalate book by book.

And the number 1 book in the Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Yes, yes, I know this is an easy pick and it’s EVERYBODY’S favourite. For about 5 minutes, Harry has a family and is as happy as he will be throughout most of the series. Sirius gets his redemption (sort of), Buckbeak is saved, and there is proper and judicious use of time travel. Plus Hermione is awesome (as always) and we meet Lupin, one of my favourite secondary characters.

Next up: maybe I’ll rewatch all 8 movies! In the meantime, which is your favourite Harry Potter book?

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Airplane Etiquette

I just started flying semi-regularly again after an 18-month COVID hiatus. Things have changed a little since the Before Times and I wanted to offer this short tutorial on the new airplane etiquette.

  1. How to cut the boarding lineup

I confess I have zero respect for airplane lineups and I don’t apologize for it. Airlines have knowingly created a problem by charging people $50 to check baggage and then taking up to an hour to deliver bags to the carrousel, so now everyone wants to take their bags onboard. This means you are SOL* for overhead space if you board last** which in turn means doing whatever you can to board first, including line cutting. I used to be a pro at inserting myself into the front of my zone line. A favourite strategy of mine was to get in the line of people one zone ahead and when I was within a few people of the gate, I would recheck my boarding and look surprised, then step sheepishly to the side, waving people through. “I’m sorry, it’s not my zone yet, go ahead.” Then, when my zone is called, I’m at the front of the line! Less polite, but still effective, is to simply linger near the lineup markers and just drift into the line when your zone is called. Surprisingly, very few people will object. I’m a terrible person.

The COVID era made me rethink my boarding tactics – people are already stressed enough as it is – and I started lining up more respectfully. This thoughtful approach to boarding did not result in anticipated serenity, but it did enable me to discover another line-jumping tactic. It’s so simple. Look for people who are glued to their phones in the lineup. There is an almost 100% chance that the line will move and they won’t notice. At this point, look questioningly at them, shrug your shoulders as if to say “I guess they aren’t in this line” and just insert yourself in front of them (do not speak to them, or otherwise distract them from their obsession). I guarantee they will never notice. (This happened to me a number of times during my short stint as a well-behaved boarding passenger, and what I learned from it is that there is no reward for being a well-behaved boarding passenger.)

2. How to be a total bag on board

Three words: recline your seat. This is basic rage-inducing behaviour. Airlines have been chipping away at our personal space for decades, and nothing makes you more hated than reclining your seat to steal even more space from the person behind you. Are you really tired because you’ve been travelling for 18 hours and want to sleep? Don’t care. Are you tall and therefore uncomfortable in the tiny space you’ve been allotted? Still don’t care. Maybe the person behind you is also tall.

Reclining your seat pushes your chair-back right into the miniscule personal space of the person behind you. It makes it impossible for them to reach the bag they have stored under the seat, it means they can’t use a laptop because it can’t be opened it far enough to see the screen, and watching the in-flight entertainment is challenging because the screen is now 3 inches from their face.

There is very little that can be done about a seat recliner. I’ve complained to flight attendants when the seat back was literally a palm-width away from my face, and was told it was their “right” to recline (note to Americans: it isn’t). At best, I’ll share the discomfort by aggressively rooting around for my under-the-seat purse every 5-10 mins, bumping into their reclined seat every time I do. “Oh, sorry, were you trying to sleep up there? That’s a shame.” Yeah, I’m that person.

I’ve heard that in an attempt to take away even more space from travelers, airlines are toying with the idea of standing-room only short-haul flights (WTF airlines???). I guess the good news is that if you’re standing. nobody can recline into your face.

3. Getting off

Fortunately, it seems that deplaning hasn’t changed much (“deplaning” … is that a weird word, or is it just me?). People wait their turn as the passenger leave row by row. Most people will fuss around trying to get their overhead bags out in advance, resulting in some temporary claustrophobic overcrowding, but the alternative is being stuck being some doof while they fuss around trying to gather all their items and retrieve their overhead suitcase and coat. I think most people just want off the plane as soon as they possibly can so they can safely reclaim their personal space.

4. Conclusion: Airlines suck

After only 3 post-COVID (mid-COVID?) flights, I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way to manage airline travel is to just take as little on board as possible. Pay the fee and check your bags upfront, or take the free option and check them at the gate. Then it doesn’t matter when you board, and you don’t have to be a line-cutting jerk like me. You can even avoid lining up altogether and just sit comfortably in a chair until the final boarding call. Luxury! It also means you have marginally more space on board. We move too fast through the world these days, and it’s really not the worst thing ever if we have to wait a little longer for a suitcase to arrive at a carrousel.

That said, you still suck, airline companies!

*Shit Outa Luck

**Helpful tip for airlines: if you want people to surrender their bags at the boarding gate, instead of making a screechy announcement every 5 minutes to a group of already stressed out passengers, why not offer priority off-loading so that if you check your bag at the gate it gets to the carrousel within 15 mins? Or upgrade people to zone 1 if they agree to check their bag at the gate, since they won’t be using overhead bin space? Come on, airlines, this is easy stuff.

Posted in PEC Living | 2 Comments

Doctoring in the County

Well, we’ve been in our new home for 4 months now and there’s lots to reflect on! Fixing a swampy pool, booking heating contractors to fix our hot water radiators before the temperature plummets to -25, convincing Hydro to cut down a dead 50-foot tree before it falls onto our power lines or our kitchen, finding a plumber to fix a very leaky sink. And then of course there’s the fun of finding a vet, an optometrist, a dentist, a hair salon, a gym, a trainer, and of course a long list of assorted contractors.

Best of all is (was) the search for a doctor. After some very simple poking around, it became clear that finding a doctor was going to be a challenge (impossible). The social media sites were all the same. “Can anyone recommend a doctor who is taking patients?” Answer: “No.”

In Ontario, there is now a service called Health Connect which you can join if and only if you don’t already have a family doctor, and it is supposed to act like a wait-list. Health Connect matches you with a doctor as soon as one becomes available, prioritized according to your medical needs. (This simply means if you are healthy, you’re looking at a 4 year wait. At least.)

After signing up for this service (“service”), I bravely downloaded a list of local doctors and clinics and started making calls. This lasted until my 4th call to a clinic where, when I asked if they were taking patients, the receptionist said “I don’t actually book any of the doctors here, but even so I can tell you that none of our 57* doctors are taking new patients. I also can’t tell you of anyone who is.” This course of action was too depressing to continue.

At this point, all I really needed was an Ontario doctor to re-issue a blood test req so I could pop into a local LifeLabs and have my iron level tested, just to confirm it’s back to normal so I can stop taking supplements, which are yucky. Not a problem, this is what walk-in clinics are for! So, on the Friday before Thanksgiving I headed off to a walk-in clinic in Belleville, 30 minutes away. The clinic I preferred turned out to be closed that day (“the” doctor had car trouble and couldn’t make it in). I drove to a second clinic that was closed because it was the Friday before a long weekend (what?). The third one I tried didn’t even exist. It seemed like it may have been converted to an Animal Hospital. The 4th clinic was at a pharmacy and was also closed on account of its proximity to a holiday Monday, but the pharmacist gave me a phone number of “someone who would help me”. Long story short, this helpful number was for a telemedicine service which is basically on-line doctoring.

I tried the walk-in clinic option a week later, and my preferred clinic was closed again due to the doctor having a family emergency. I didn’t even bother to try further.

Meanwhile, Jeff found, through his research, the “Ontario Virtual Care Clinic” (www.seethedoctor.ca), a doctoring service for very simple health related questions. I signed up, was immediately put into queue, less than 3 hours later I was on the phone with my randomly selected virtual doctor who reissued my blood test req in about 5 mins. Thank you, random doctor!

After a very easy visit to LifeLabs, my results came back with good iron levels but also elevated “eosinophils”. A visit to Doctor Google (sorry Chrystal!) provided an immediate diagnosis: I either had leukemia or a parasitic infection. Crap.

Back to the walk-in clinic, and lo! Third time lucky, my preferred clinic was open! I’ll just mention here that I bestowed preferred status upon this clinic because it seemed to present itself as a clinic with real doctors (or “doctor”) rather than some weird front for a Telemedicine virtual doctor service. I say seemed because as it turned out, the doctor was actually a nurse practioner** who’s job was to take all of my vital information and then video-conference in a random doctor to provide a diagnosis. The nurse was lovely and thoroughly enjoyed my Google-based self-diagnosis. To engage with the doctor, she stood at attention front of a large monitor like she was about to present me to the Queen of England. “Your majesty, introducing Ms. Risa Zaleski, a female of 56 years who is presenting with slightly elevated eosinophils!” The video doctor diagnosed what the nurse practioner already knew. I do not have leukemia or a parasite. I have allergies.

And that is how you Doctor in the County:

  • The “Ontario Virtual Care Clinic” for easy questions and answers via random doctor video conference from the comfort of my office desk chair
  • The Great Lakes Walk-in Clinic for nurse-facilitated video-doctor care
  • The Emergency Room for everything else

*It wasn’t 57, it just felt that way as I sat through the voice menu recording: For Dr Smith, press 1. For Dr Jones, press 2. For Dr Sharma, press 3….blahblahblah…. For other doctors, press 9.

**She was, in fact, a doctor, fully educated in India, and just working through getting her corresponding medical license in Canada. We make these poor people jump through hoops despite having a serious and health-threatening shortage of doctors.

Posted in PEC Living | 1 Comment

Home Sweet Home

Today we resolve the final horror when the plumbers show up to replace the toilets, after which all will be right with the world. Just in case you think we have literally entered the eighth circle of hell, here are some “after” photos of the house to help reset (technically, these are “middle” photos, since we still have painting and flooring to take care of).

This is the main living area of the house, and main selling feature. It’s difficult to capture the grandeur in a photo, but here’s a look from a few different angles. The only unfortunate aspect is that the fireplace is not double sided, but it IS high efficiency so it should provide some help with heating in the winter.

A few choice rooms, all wonderfully clean!

The basement is not really usable living space, but useful to have. Check out the beams in the basement ceiling – they still have bark on them! The garage (which I like to call the barn because it’s comically huge) has a second floor that would be extremely useful if it didn’t plummet to -25C in the winter!

And lastly, a look at the outdoors. We’ve been fortunate to have some beautiful sunny days, although with a couple of frost warnings as a reminder that this is Ontario.

We’ll be back soon with a moving truck. Please come visit! We have LOTS of space and we’d love to have you!

Posted in Innismar | 2 Comments

There’s a pretty nice house under there

We finally moved into our home for real once we got rid of the mattresses (ew) and cleaned a minimum of rooms for livability (2 bedrooms, a bathroom, the kitchen, and the dining room which, lacking any other furniture, also became the office/living room/lounge). Up until now I should mention with extreme gratitude that we’ve been welcomed into the home of my cousin Kelly and his lovely wife Brenda. In case you’re wondering, the lot of us have all been first-dose vaccinated 1

We’re pretty much in a daily routine of cleaning now. Even after the 9 hours of Wicked Clean PEC help the house is SO DIRTY. In the main bathroom, where you may remember one of the cleaning crew worked for 3 hours, I thought I’d tackle the disgusting corners of the floor and discovered that the grout and edging is not, in fact, beige…

I cleaned a bunch of dog slobber and grime off the kitchen door that faces the living room. I expected great things from this effort, so carefully documented before/after pics.

Well that’s disappointing. Maybe the back of the door will be more successful …

The previous owner spared no expense in updating about a million windows to beautiful, energy efficient models from Landmark (the Home Solutions company, not the crazy cult you have to join if you work at Lululemon). Thankfully, they clean up super nice! Sadly, there are 32 of them. There’s also a sliding door that alone took at least 90 mins to clean.

The worst job of all time, however, is wallpaper removal. There is nobody here who wants to be paid to do that job. My efforts to find someone went something like this:

Attempt #1

Me: Hi, I have a nice big job worth lots of money to remove wallpaper from several rooms in my old century home and them paint the entire interior.

Contractor: No thanks. Wallpaper sucks and if your walls are plaster it could be disastrous.

Attempt #2

Me: Hi, I have a great job to paint the interior of my house, and in a couple of rooms in the newer part of the house there is some wallpaper over drywall, if you could maybe look at removing that?

Contractor: I don’t do wallpaper anymore, thanks anyway.

Attempt #3

Me: Hi, do you think you could paint a large part of my house? None of the rooms being painted have any wallpaper at all.

Contractor: I guess I could come by and take a look.

Sigh. What to do, what to do.

Three lies that I have told:

  1. I’m just 5 minutes away.
  2. No, of course Ryan Reynolds isn’t cuter than you!
  3. I will never take wallpaper off a wall again as long as I live.

Next up: Do we secure a painter? Also, a gallery of nice pictures.

1 future readers: May of 2021 is wave 3 of a global pandemic that started 14 months ago. Ontario is in a provincial lockdown that means you can’t buy clothespins at the dollar store or play golf but you can buy clothespins at the grocery store and anyone in the home improvement industry can come and go as they please.

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Contractors. Our New Best Friends.

All of my conversations with contractors went something like this:

Contractor: Yes, I can do that job. When do you want me to come?

Me: Can you be here in an hour?

Contractor: Hahaha

Me: I’m not joking.

Our first new friend, the Key Master 1, came straight away to rekey the doors but also ended up repairing damage that made it easy to lock the back door from the outside but for some reason impossible to reopen it. There are so many mysteries.

Second on our speed dial was the Junk Eliminator 2, who delivered us a nice, big, red dumpster and was happy to come as many times as we needed to haul it away and replace it with a new one (turns out 2 times was what we needed). He happily took everything including batteries, electronics, dog carpet, and creepy things from the basement. He wouldn’t take the 101 propane canisters. They are the hot potato in the room.

We had a serious water pressure problem (I guess the dirt makes sense now if you can’t fill a bucket to mop). As well, there were some issues with hot water and, of course, there are the toilets (remember those?!). Third up were our old friends, the Waterboys 3. The water pressure was easily fixed by replacing the carbon filter, which was apparently in a horrifying state. The hot water, which works but takes a while to run, requires a second visit to assess the boiler. The toilets are all being replaced next week. Check check check!

We called on outside help to tackle the layers and layers of dirt, assuming they might also be able to bring one working vacuum. (We left the tenants a brand new $500 Hoover 4 years ago, which I was told “blew up almost immediately”, although it was not one of the 4 broken vacuums left behind.) Three Cleaning Angels 4 showed up and scrubbed away for over 3 hours, with one poor woman spending the entire time just in the main bathroom. A bathroom that was newly renovated 4 years ago. Literally had never been used. Gack.

The carpet smell was more of a challenge. I ripped out any that had nice wood floors underneath, but a significant area of the house is just carpet over subfloor. Rats. Enter the Steam Gang 5 who were cautious (“dog smell is extremely hard to get rid of” … great!) but willing to give it a go. We agreed with their conditions. Indeed, it’s like the steam cleaning just made it angry, and now the place smells like wet dog. It’s the BBO episode of Seinfeld all over again. Fortunately, the carpets are all on the soon-to-be-replaced list.

In what seems like it might be a long-term relationship, the Members of Shield 6 came by for the annual spray for wasps, a problem the tenants complained about a few years ago. Based on the number of the ant traps I found around the house, I suspect we will also discover another problem requiring their help this summer. And next week, Shield comes again to investigate how much of our house doubles as a mouse habitat. Although by then Jeff may have killed them all (he is up to 3 mouse murder-death-kills).

Finding someone to come and remove wallpaper has not been so easy. I’ve left messages for three people, none of whom have called back. I managed to speak to one lovely gentleman who told me, regarding the wallpaper, that “he doesn’t do that horrible job anymore” and “prefers to leave it to the younger guys” (hey, could you give me the name of even one of these younger guys??) It’s almost like they know what’s in store for them…

We are going to move on to general contractors next, and pass the buck to them to find people to do the work. That’s the stuff of a future post.

1 Prince Edward Locksmiths, Picton

2 Tom & Kris, from Load-N-Lift Disposal, Belleville

3 Veentra’s Plumbing & Heating, Wellington

4 Amanda, from Wicked Clean PEC

5 Tino, from Tino’s Carpet & Duct Cleaning, Belleville

6 Greenshield Pest Control, Belleville

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Renters. How much do they suck?

Four years ago, we bought a charming country farmhouse (“Innismar”1) on Big Island, in Prince Edward County, Ontario. Because we weren’t quite ready to move here, we rented the house for four years to “S” and her partner/boyfriend/husband, their 5 children, and two dogs. In retrospect, this was a red flag. On April 30 we took back the house, along with a laundry list of other surprises.

The Crap

Fast forward a few days from April 30 and we have completely filled 2 dumpsters with the stuff that was left behind. In fairness, about half a dumpster was stuff that was ours and we asked them to leave – a couple of couches, 2 easy chairs, …. S warned me there were “signs of wear” after four years of use. This was an understatement considering we used gloves and masks to carry them to the dumpster. It’s like the leather surface of one couch had … melted? Some of the extra treasures that were left for us included; 6 mattresses and a foam sleeping pad, 2 dressers, 4 bed frames, a headboard, maybe 10-12 industrial sized bags of garbage, 4 broken vacuums, about 20 empty shoe boxes, a dozen rubber vehicle floor mats, a child’s play kitchen, and a large dog stuffy. Most suspicious and unsettling were 101 mini propane canisters (empty) and a broken hibachi. Make your guesses in the comments. Perhaps there will be a prize!

The Damage

Dog-gouged French doors. A broken wooden window sill. A broken window that S told me a tree branch had fallen against (here’s the window – do you see any trees?). Every single baseboard radiator is partially disassembled. There are many holes in the walls ranging from 1-3 inches wide. Several curtain rods have fallen (been pulled?) off the wall. The toilets. My god, the toilets.

The Smell

There are three competing smells fighting for dominance; smoke (smoking was not allowed in the house per the lease), wet dog, and mouse pee. The more you try to resolve one, the more one of the others takes over. Lose lose. Today we attempt steam cleaning but have already been warned it may not work. I have taken up the carpet in the master bedroom and the side room off the “parlor” (now the “bar”). And I have already inspected to determine I can rip up one hallway upstairs and two closets, although Jeff wants me to settle down until after the steam cleaning is down. He’s weird.

Tomorrow: Contractors – our new best friends.

1 Innismar comes from Ynys Mawr, which is Welsh for Big Island.

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